Thursday, July 26, 2012

tough road ahead

hey joey,

read your blog and tweets. i know the path ahead is so going to be painful for you and stuff, but do note, its just the beginning. you have to hang in there. just that 70 days and everything will be very much over le! dont doubt your abilities joey... first of all, being selected as captain is to prove you have what it takes to lead others and stuff. yes you need to be a role model and all that, but its key idea is to bring everyone together. you are doing it great now already. and its really really good compared to the first few weeks of election. 

today, my form teachers and mdm ho ask me to meet them. to talk. as always, talk. and duh its all bout studies and stuff. and know what? mdm ho made me go to the counsellor's room and book a time slot to talk to him. and ask if there is anyway to push me in my studies and help me through. haha, seems legit, and good thing. but to me, it made me feel like i dont have the ability to judge what's right and wrong, and i need extra help to shape my mindset. you mean there's something wrong with me? like mentally retarded or dumb? hahaha its a joke, really. just so f up. teachers of aj. 

so pool after that. great memories. really really great memories. hahaha, the first time we played, and times we played with elaine and huitien, played after chinese new year meal, hahaha, just wonderful all these memories. playing pool don't feel the same anymore. lol so thankful to you for all these great memories.

went home after that, walked the basement of hub, where we will walk for hours trying to find your iphone cover, your iphone screen protector, walking in to cotton on... hahaha. its damn cool and interesting that when you walk past memory lanes and images of a certain person will pop out in your mind. :)

so you wanted to close ur eyes and rest ur head on his shoulders. thats nice. :) and i believe u will love it a lot to be able to do that. jiayou in pursuing the happiness you wish for bah. dont fake ur smiles and laughter anymore joey! its not worth it to keep it inside and suffer. you trusted me and told me all bout it. if u wish to i am always here for you to tell me bout ur unhappiness. perhaps sharing ur unhappiness may be the last bit of thing i can ever do for you already. since happiness doesnt come from me. then unhappiness be given to me. you will feel better one. really. i'm just so so glad, that elaine is in your life, to be able to make things much better for you. :) really am. 

smile joey, smile. you look really really pretty when you smile. i stare at you from afar during your lunch break. seeing you smile makes me feel slightly happier too. well, i dont know how you feel inside, but as far as i know, many will be mesmerized by the radiance of your smile. i will miss that smile. but at least i will get to see it again. :) 

dont get too stressed up. its impt to relax a bit once in a while.
take care, dont let yourself fall sick. must rest well. drink more water!

goodnight joey... you are really a great part of my life. though it feels like i've been kept in an old cabinet in your heart, im glad we walked to even 5 mths. for we could have ended 7 months ago. im very thankful already. :) glad to know you say you aint gonna emo anymore. i believe you can do it. you have the determination. so just do it, for you can achieve.

not to say i am emo, not to say i am lovesick. but right now, i really wished i was the one you would want to lie on, you would talk to me when you feel sad, and i would be the one to hug you and say its ok joey, we can always try again. but no, it will never be this again. for things have changed between you and me. it hurts, really hurts terribly. it hurts even more to see you being so sad right now. i dont know if i could ever cheer you up, or if i was even given the opportunity, to make a difference in your life. if i really am just a sad and useless part of your life... 
i will still remember clearly, that 2 days before the end, i will still say i love you, good night, sweet dreams, good morning. we will still have smiles and hahas in our messages. 2 days later, it changed from the hilltop to 0. yea i guess im just lamenting, and im just being emo for now. and thinking bout everything now. but since you have decided on it, i guess i should try my best to stop thinking bout it too bah. its good. good to know you will move on and find the happiness you want. even i feel happy for you, just like sherilynn, leaving me is the right choice for her. similarly, i hope all the best for you as well. :) thank you, girlfriend. 

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