not going to lie

im not going to lie. its true, ive been suppressing my feelings for the past week. and it sucks to the max. i wonder how you manage to pull through. at least now u are doing well, you have the one u like, great people around you whenever you needed them. its good for you.

all these while. all i ever wanted. is for someone to hug me. someone who can hug me. let me cry my heart out, let me whine all my unhappiness and regret that was kept within me all these time. but it ended up as just a wait. because no one truly knew how much i needed a bit more warmth and comfort. i might lose playing ball, lose playing sports. and that fear in me i've suppressed it. people say i slack i slack, i can just eat it down. why do i bother going all the way down to admiralty? so that i can walk down memory lane and go emo with it? i really miss all those places. it happened so fast and abrupt... i couldnt take it. really not. because i truly loved everything of you. and for me to move on, i will have to give up bit by bit, part by part of you. but we just did so many things together, too much i have to forget to move on. i will never forget the feel and touch of your face. though i wanted to feel it one last time. i will never forget every moment we spent together. its just so hard. maybe i did not give time enough time...

do you know how much it hurts to me when you said no one wanted you for anything? it hurts so freaking bad. because i wanted you so badly. for anything and everything. the feeling of not being wanted. the feeling of not of any use. why dont you look at me bah... no doubt i will love to have your body, for sexual desires or even as a figurine for me to hug. but your heart is more important to me, in fact the most impt thing to me. but all these, wouldn't matter anymore.

perhaps i had say too much. i wonder if all these words will mean anything to you...
or maybe now all that is left of me in you, is a pathetic crybaby, lovesick dick, but do take note. its also because of you, had i become such a lovesick. its because i truly loved you.