conclusion

i'm just not born to love.

right from the start. i was just a substitute, when he was away and couldnt let u be loved, i was just the one there for you to love temporarily and be loved? is that the case? is that truly what's happening? i'm confused. i do not know what is happening.

...

again i cried, its been almost everyday since 2 weeks ago. when will it ever stop? just when i tot things are going to get better. another thing came out. whats worse is this is something completely out of my control. why, or how, did this happen all of a sudden. its like... i love you, but i miss another guy, what is this. how do you want me to feel? my heart is broken. i dunno whether its fair or not. or whatsoever, u tell me u are sad, but right now, i dont even know who should really be the one to be sad. you? me? or him? why.... someone please just tell me why. one after another, my life is this screwed. first, failing studies, second, losing physical abilities, and now, this... this is simply, unimaginable a pain for me.

again

hey baby. i dont really care whoever sees this. i really love you. and it doesnt concerns me how many times i cried for you. i really thought i was numb from all thoose crying last week. i really thought i was. but today, after knowing u being pissed with me and stuff like that, the feeling ccame up to me again, i really am afraid of losing you. the next moment i tot bout it tears start to flow.it was then i knew my love for you was rooted there le. no matter how many times i cried, how many times im hurt, the love is still there. theres no way i could let you go. i dunno what that means... but it just means you mean a lot to me. these few weeks its either u are being pissed with me or i was being too emotional. none of the days was perfect. it hurts. to know this is happening. i really do wish this june holidays things will get better. i really hope so. because again, i really wanna go far with you. i know im a dumb person, i couldnt tell how u feel at times, and times when i dont understand you, but baby, there are times when we really dont understand each other, i just pray that you will understand that and then we will have greater days ahead. and the only thing i wish for, is to see you smile and laugh, just like the first time we went out together.

crying crying crying.. havent been stopping at all this entire week. i know u have ur responsibilities... just didnt expect u rather give me up to go on better relationships with them... i just dont know what to say. i know there are other ways, but saying it wont be of any use. because u chose it and u already decided. i can only respect it, and leave myself behind again. and again. and again... one day i really might get tired of chasing you... and fall eventually. if that day comes... it will be the day u decided to fully give up already

hope this sacrifice will bring about some good news. if not...i simply have no more words to say. i might turn soulless anyway. see how things develop bah. nights baby.

kk last one

no more crying. i promise. sad can but no crying. LOL. sorry la crying is only for me to feel better in the shortest time possible. since i stopped playing guitar le lol. anyways. i really love you a lot. i didnt believe just now u will say all these. dont stop baby. i really wish to go far with you. =) its all right. im growing. and even more sure after today the more i wont get pissed or what with u le. i will smile. and be happy. but only with ur presence. i just wanna say it again. i love you. and please dont stop me from loving you. <3 take care. see you for ramen tmr! =)

I can't believe you actually said all these to me. I know u are having a very hard time in class today. And ur ankle ain't helping at all too.
your teachers are being bitches by constantly biting on u as a volleyball player and stuff like that. It happens to me all the time. Not that I never felt it before. I was in ur shoes last yr as well. I am really.trying to make u feel better. But appears that again ny heart is shattered. Being sensitive in your words... It doesn't seem so anymore. My heart is really very broken. I have no idea what should I say le. If im not even able to help u but make things even worse for you... Then fine. I'll shut up. I won't talk. I won't do a fuck anymore. Its against my conscience to see you like this and stuff. But wjat can I do... When all I wished was to make u feel better but it got u angry instead. Just fml...

last post

K this gonna be my last post here Liao. Lol I don't wish to talk here anymore. Because I hope i won't ever need to be here to speak out all my unhappiness. I just wish to be happy with you and not be sad and stuff le. I dont wanna be sad anymore. I believe we can de. So yea. Bye bye blogging. Thanks for allowing me to scream out here when im down. :)

relationship

Yea time is short blahblah.... Our relationship life is getting shorter by the days. My fears are growing everyday and everytime we start to comment bout our relationship with each other. Ever kmow how it feels in my heart? Its like. You are now in a relationship and u are just living with it till the day u two are made to break up. Its like if it's gonna break up then why do you even patch them together at first? Itsnlike fighting a war that you know you can't win. Its demoralizing. I know I love you. And you know you love me. But it already boils down that. Oh we are gonna break up anyway. Don't think so much. Enjoy what we have now... This feeling. You won't know how bad it tired my heart apart. It makes me feel like giving up. But im not giving up because I still wish to have the best for the both of us. Haiz... Who the fuxk invented love.

you

i dont really ask for much from you. you keep saying u aint good enough u didnt do anything for me. the truth is the thing i ever wanted from you is just you. and having you by my side and being with me when i needed you. thats all. you already did it.

questions

before you even ask me that question today, i actually thought about it before. i wanted to grow old with you. have a family with you. have fun with you around the world until the day we die. but over time i realize these aint really the things you wanted. it no longer is what i wanted too. im influenced by you. since so, i rather we have fun and enjoy each others presence for as long as we love each other and can be together. i dont wish to to lose you. i will regret de. but im afraid someday you will leave me. thats why.

regrets

a lot of things has happened this year. ranging from studies, volleyball, competitions, relationship, family etc.
deep in my heart i know this aint gonna be a smooth sailing year ever since i retained. but what can i say? i didnt work hard enough and retained. lost my position as captain, lost friends, fragile relations with family and whats worse my heart is drifted away from studies and my relationship with you. i have always been thinking bout other things. could be because im a pessimist? am i a pessimist? coaches and teachers blame me for the cause of a lost match. families blame me for not spending time with them. sometimes im too dumb and others blame me. no one. really no one, has ever clapped their hands and said good job gary. am i really really... such a fail? right now maintaining my relationship is hard as well. u are going through a lot and you will be busier by the days. gradually you wont have time for me. will i be a forgotten part in your mind? im starting to fear. im starting to despise myself. i really just wish i wont need to study, i wont need to be given pressure, i wont need to hold any responsibilities. but in life, that only happens when u are sleeping in the soil.

just for you

i do not know if u will ever come across this. perhaps you will. someday.

life's great with you right now. i know its hard for you to get over certain stuff. but i still wish to accept who you are.whatever that happened doesnt really matter to me because i know that im just very grateful that you are with me now. though u feel that we think too differently, im sure things will still work out.as long as one of us learns to give in first im sure we will work out. things that didnt go well in the past just forget it and move one. we are gonna go on together all right? i will always be behind u and whenever u need me just gimme a call and i'll be there. this is the type of love i wish you to have from me. because right from the start, i promised u need not do anything. i just love you. and pray u will love me back. thats all i ever cared.

Captain holds great responsibilty. but i know u will do fine, i just know you will. you are a great girl. and hardwork and effort will see you through. dont worry too much yea? i will try my best not to be a burden for you. i will try my best. so cheer up k baby? if u need a talking to, im always here for you.

epic fail blog

omfg i just updated this shit.

hahah 2 more days to your birthday. excited mahh??
5 presents!
-C
-B
-P
-L
-?
hahhaha

how bout B for baby
P for pregnant
C for cocks
L for lj? =.=