a month plus has it been

its been a month since i used alcohol to put myself to sleep... kinda suck eh? hhaha. oh well. at least i get to sleep. thats something to be happy about :)

jiayou bah. dont give up... ur goals? to reach top 4? aint those more impt?

training at risk

so suffering from weak ankle and bronchitis at the same time.. training seem to be even harder to bear... perhaps i shud consider stopping already

listen to my story

this is the story of my life. the hardships i lived through.

at the tender age of 12, healthy and playful kid. kicking soccer and preparing for psle. unfortunate things happen from then. i dislocated my left elbow. losing strength in my left biceps and arm from then on. and slowly finding a way to regain the strength. 

age 14. met a girl i liked. got into a relationship. doesnt really matter right now. because its over. but i can say im really sorry for treating her so badly. a little to late when i tried to make amendments. too little, too late. let her go to her happiness will be better off. i cried. for weeks. no one knew. standing alone for a few weeks was never easy. 

age 15, doc says im down with acute bronchitis. lung air sacs infection. not at the stage where by i will die. but will affect my performance in sports, and ordered to rest for 3 month. so there goes all my fitness. 

age 16, down with weak ankle. due to a sprain when playing bball. from then on wore ankle guard to play any sports. again. another obstacle affecting my sporting performance.

age 17, failed to understand the meaning of studying. retained in jc. horrible nightmare. yet i lived with that fact. because i accepted it already. 

down with meniscus damage, jumpers knee. totally affected more than 10% of my jumping performance. but i bear with the pain.

age 18, met another girl that i liked. really tried to give my best this time. i failed. no regrets. i cant do anything bout it. cried. again. alone for another few weeks. perhaps months. only i will know. 

dislocated left shoulder 2 weeks before competition. that fear in me was crazy... i had to recover fast. i just had to....

shortly after... down with tendon inflammation due to excessive usage of knee muscles from back injuries... had to rest for 5 months. before receiving shockwave therapy. crazyily expensive treatment. and of course... pain again. like needles hitting your knee consistently... 

now. 25/10/12, im down with bronchitis again. and it got worsened... i have to rely on medication right now... so please dont bring me to places whereby ppl smoke. lol. it will hasten my death. just saying. 

the painful side of me... yet i choose to keep the happy side. as memories instead

DO NOT

dont use yoko yoko on back.. its not good... just stretch and let it relax... theres nothing you can do bout it...

my story...

a story that cannot be told to anyone... a story that i must keep to myself. a story i must live thru... if i still want ppl around me to be happy. ppl around me to be less concerned... smth that i wont tell.

hate this fact

haiz... my heart still wrenches when i see u... jia you bah.. u got loads to learn

i cried... again

so i cried again. nth new. its dumb... haiz... listened to a few songs and it triggered me off to thinking bout all the past again. dahell...

training

so this is the first time i train or lets say last touched a vball after 4 mths. kinda insane. no stamina. no jump. no skills. purely experience only... its hard. guess i will need to hit the gym more often. oh well... but bigger problem is my weak back cannot support the hang time i required in the air to spike... and my ankles are dying... damn.. i must find a way to hold it

for the first time

haiz...

haha im still not sleeping well nowadays... this sucks a lot. and my treatment failed. the pain is still there. so $500 flew away weeeeeee~ haiz. shall just live with it then

good to know

its good to see how well you are doing right now. keep it up. see you soon.  but till then. im no longer gary

so tired

everyday 11am - 9 pm in library. srsly i must be insane...