i cried. again. because again. never do i want to anger you. argue with you. but now... you thought i took your kind will for granted. i really didnt. im really thankful. but how can i let you understand how i feel right now.... its so bad i really dont wish to live. its so hard for me to believe what i am doing... please girl... i hate to have haters. especially one i used to have feelings for....

i just want to have someone for me to hug and cry in right now

Having to do everything for you. Even after that fateful day... Still having to keep a promise. And to be wary for ur privacy.. Why is it never a time when people will think about my feelings... Why is it that people will not think about why im living like this every night.
That the moment I close my eyes the first thing I will think bout will be 20 July. The images.... Everything all will start popping out and the only way I can sleep is by drinking. Why is it  that no one care. Who knows what it feels to have the person u used to love so much and that you dont even what feelings u still have for her and now she's hating you. She's asking you for an argument. She's trying to find fault in you. Why? Who can understand this feeling? Who can... Oh god.... I dont want to live anymore...

Its a feeling too hard for me to get rid off... Just too hard..

complicated

Why are things so complicated right now... What's wrong again.... I just wish to focus on vball for aj sp im rejecting all clubs as instructed by mr.chua. So that is show off... How bout you wasn't meant for you... Yet you took it to be. Doesn't matter. What's worse, vball is the only thing left that I could be proud off. Show off a bit also got wrong. Then like that I must well just be a gnome and hide in a corner. There's no meaning in life. Nothing yo tell the world about yourself... My confidence is just this little right now already. Please? I beg of you. Stop stamping on me... Im not as strong as u think. Im still that fragile. Almost broke down again when zi ao mention lets live together at woodlands circle. Can cut hair at my.mum there for free. The first thing I could think of was your place. You know how hard it is to bear all those pain? You wont. Because you dont understand what it means to be me.
So please.... Dont... Please.... Take it as im begging you

confused

so what are my feelings telling me right now... damn it

packing

as i pack my cabinet. table. closet. everything. and what i found. i teared on the spot. its memories. haha. birthday cards. the snail. the starry card.... the bag.... and of cos. our picture thats in my wallet all these while. kinda interesting well. i guess it doesnt really matter now. we have our own lives... a different pillar of support. a different meaning in life already. of course im always here if u need someone to talk to... i might not be the same as before. like yea we drifted apart... very. so far i dont even feel u around. LOL lame. but, i will still give u my advice. and listen to your story. so jiayou bah. may the odds be ever in your favour

a weird dream

a dream i never wanted to have... its. not say a nightmare. but definitely not reality.

how is it possible to dream of joey, sherilynn and my pri sch friends sec sch friends at the same time? doesnt make sense. its just... weird? lol. guess weird ppl have weird dreams. and its a dream i will spend a lot of time thinking bout. wait its just a dream. so dont bother thinking bout it

why?

why is it that till now.. i feel so... cold. so hard? like.. so empty within me. what am i living for ? why am i fighting so hard to live? what am i trying to achieve? these qns keep popping out in my mind... what is wrong with me...

sis bday. oops im late by a day

wow, happy belated sis. LOL. and dinner. screw u its buffet at a 4star hotel. 50.80++ per pax?! lucky ur bf got that damn card to get 50% discount. but ok la. salmon and prawn and fish was great. desert was shit so was the ice cream. not to forget the lamb chop and sausages. WOOO stimmy. next week bro bday... what to get for him.. hmmm